RAC Breakdown

Just a thought, we haven't a Joke thread in here, so here goes the first one......

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre.'
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?'
Operator: 'Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
'If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please.'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland,'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.''
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.;)

Any help on the following is very much appreciated.

One the way to work today i could hear a flapping/light tapping coming from the front of the car around the radiator. I did a visual inspection on the belts ect but all looked normal. Since then it's developed a loud screech on startup and continues untill the car moves.(Rac man moved it).I've noticed over the last couple of days that fuel consumption has been slightly less then the norm and there is a slight lack of power. the RAC said it could be waterpump of alternator pulley but wasnt able to do anything as its a VW Passat V6 and the engine is pretty much enclosed.

Any help is much appreciated

hope someone can help as I have flummoxed a few friends who are mechanics, got a zetec 1.8 with a duratek engine, done around 56k miles. have had a ticking noise coming from the engine now for a month or 2. a suggestion has been the timing chain. thing is though, no loss in power, no problems starting up and the noise stopped when a friend disconnected the ht lead from spark plug number 1. noise was barely audible up until the oil was changed a couple of months ago, prior to that had some oil burning in the exhaust (lots of smoke from the exhaust) which seems to have stopped now. only way to get it checked out is to have the engine out and taken apart, will cost a fortune. any thoughts would be kindly received.........

Hi,
I have a 51 ford focus estate 1.8lx. The dash lights have stopped coming on as well as the lighting for the radio and heater controls. main roof Interior lights work, all dials work all lights outside of the car work, I just cannot see the dials when it gets dark. Currently having to use a small torch just to check my speed etc - very frustrating:(. I have checked the fuses and all seem okay. I have checked and replaced the light switch thinking it may be the dimmer switch on the unit, but that has made no difference.The lights have been a little dodgy for some time going out but then coming back on later for no apparent reason. Now they are off all the time. I assume it is a faulty connection somewhere but am struggling to find where to look,any help or suggestions appreciated. I assume that this is not related to the cluster panel issues mentioned on the site?
Andy

According to a report from Kia Motors, the average British commuter will spend 91 days in stationary traffic jams.

What do you think of this figure? Has your journey to work got worse?

Please click on the link below to read the full story and then tell us your thoughts:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/...commuters.html