'Rubberduckzilla' a giant water-hating rubber duck. Rubberduckzilla doesn't like water, Rubberduckzilla hates water. So he decides to destroy Tokyo.
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Rubberduckzill
Rubberduckzilla
Rubberduckzilla has just seen the worst advert in existence, for Kingsmill. I certainly won't be sharing my confessions on kingsmill.com. I bet some serial killer already has though, "I've brutally murdered 31 people over the last 10 years. Using a variety of weapons including a chainsaw, woodchipper and a shotgun. I also ate their organs, on a lovely slice of white kingsmil".
Rubberduckzilla has always been a huge fan of David Beckham, but with this new beard/moustache combo he looks like a tramp. Not one you'd give money to either, one of those scary ones that drunkenly mutter nonsense at you whilst lying in their own piss next to 'Abbi is a man' and the rest of the obscene graffiti scrawled onto the walls by mindless yobs and the general scum of society. Quack.
Rubberduckzilla has just won 11 million Nigerian dollars, been invited to trace his family history and doesn't have to pay anything until 2010 for his lazer eye surgery. I'm so glad everyone who sends you emails is trustworthy. My most active city of the week is Manchester, so all you Mancunians are safe from my incurring wrath for another week.
Rubberduckzilla spent the entire day scouring the tv channels during advert breaks to see if I was on. I wasn't. For some reason the guy who wants to 'have a poo at Paul's' still is. F****ing W***** c*** faced s***. Guess I'm gonna join the 'They're gonna taste great' Frosties kid in advert obscurity. He didn't kill himself by the way, he had a sex change and became Chancellor of Germany.
Rubberduckzilla would like to point out that his last status was not in fact a joke, but a true story. If you want to leave negative comments on someone's status then become a fan of Daniel Radcliffe. I'm a giant duck, he's an average actor at best. Who would YOU rather fight???
Rubberduckzilla The other day I saw a woman on a mobility scooter, she had a flat tyre and was clearly distressed. I thought about going to help her but the coward within me won, and I didn't. I felt guilty about it all last night, and when I woke up this morning and looked at my newspaper I saw a headline that shocked me to my very core. You won't believe what It said! 'Park for free on Sundays'.
Rubberduckzilla Sat in the park by the pond all day in the hope that someone would feed him. No-one did, so I just bought a KFC. Also, has had a woeful headache all day. In my search for paracetomol I accidentally took some menopausal tablets. I'll keep you posted.
Rubberduckzilla Does anyone know if I can claim benefits? Because I need the money after they stopped showing the advert. I need to feed the family, and I don't want to become a rent-duck. Actually, that isn't a bad idea. Anyone interested???
Rubberduckzilla Maybe its time to give up, maybe the novelty of being part of a group about an advert that isn't even on tv anymore has finally worn off. Maybe being a giant rubber duck is essentially a lowly existence, and although once a good thing it has become more of a hinderance than a good thing. Maybe Rubberduckzilla should retire? Screw that! Quack quack quack quack quack quack.
Rubberduckzilla Here's some pictures of me in different places around the world. See if you can find me. Its sort of like Where's Wally? But instead of a little bespectabled man with a stripey jumper you'll trying to find a giant, water-hating duck... Enjoy.
Rubberduckzilla I know this has nothing to do with Rubberduckzilla but this cause means a great deal to Rubberduckzilla. Will everyone please join it? Anyone who does is going to Rubberduck-heaven. There will be lots of Japanese girls there like the ones from the advert. Who doesn't want a piece of that? Thankyou.
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